Naked People at my Gym

There are many cultural differences between Americans and Belgians. Most of the differences I find rather charming; like the Belgian paranoia of eating more than one hot meal a day, or the way they have to drink beer only from a glass that says the name of that particular beer on it. That stuff is cute and it makes me want to throw them up in the air and catch them while they giggle. But two things which really “get on my wick” (as the English say – because they know about these sorts of things) are the space thing and the nudity thing.

The space thing has to do with the difference in what one considers one’s personal space bubble. For most Americans that space bubble at which we feel comfortable having strangers stand next to us is anywhere from about 2 – 4 feet. If I’m standing in a line in Los Angeles and someone is standing less than 2 feet behind me, I feel perfectly justified in turning around, fixing them with an icy stare and saying, “Can I help you with something?” until they realize they’re violating the space code and back off. The one caveat to this rule is if the line happens to be in a super crowded place. But generally speaking, the more space there is, the bigger your personal bubble should be. The difference in the European interpretation of this space bubble is apparent in restaurants. In an otherwise empty restaurant, if you are sitting at the only occupied table, the next people coming in should understand that they need to sit as far away from you as possible. The people arriving after them will endeavor to do the same, and so on and so on until the place starts filling up and contact simply cannot be avoided. Belgians do not seem to understand this law. If you are sitting at the only occupied table in a restaurant, they might very well sit at the table right next to you, which is just weird. I mean, sure, the restaurant does eventually fill up and then it’s all normal again, but I can never quite shake the fact that these people came in and sat right next to us purposely like they wanted to listen to our conversation and copy what we ordered.

So the other issue I have is the nudity thing. OK, OK, OK, yes, I’m glad that you all live in a free non-Puritanical society where you can have naked people in TV commercials. That’s fabulous. But I prefer not to be confronted with it in my every day life, thank you very much. At my gym for instance.



Yes, I accept the fact that in the changing room at the gym there will be occasional nudity. That’s an unavoidable fact as we all change in and out of our gym clothes or stand in the communal shower (which I disapprove of, by the way). But for crying out loud, ladies, let’s keep it brief. This should not be a free-for-all nudity fest where you “air everything” while I’m trying to put my eyebrow pencil on.

I don’t know what it is with these people at my gym, it’s like they simply cannot wait to get naked. In fact some of them I’m convinced don’t even use the gym equipment; they just walk around in the buff in the changing room terrorizing people.



As an example – when you return from the shower, hopefully with a towel wrapped around you (how hard is this?), the first order of the day at that point should be getting dressed, shouldn’t it? Yes, we understand you have to blow-dry your hair, yes, we understand you have to put on makeup, yes we understand you have to brush your teeth, do the crossword and talk to your other gym friends, but surely all these activities could take place after getting dressed? Because here’s the thing: I don’t want to have to stand right next to you when you’re nude. And no, this doesn’t mean I’ve got “hang ups”, it means I just don't want to feel like an extra on a porn set. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. I am not hung up, you are hung up. You are the one with the aversion to clothes, after all. And I don’t see why you have to do every activity imaginable naked while I’m standing there fully clothed and with a parka on trying to give you a hint.



Remember the space bubble I mentioned earlier? How I don’t like people standing too close to me? That goes tenfold when those people are naked. And all the more reason, people, why in an otherwise empty communal shower room with 12 showerheads (I’ve counted), you DO NOT need to come and use the showerhead RIGHT NEXT TO ME. I don’t care how free and European you think you are; that is just creepy.

It’s amazing what I have to put up with.