28 December 2007

Could Benazir Bhutto be the New Franz Ferdinand?

Let me preface everything I’m about to say by stating that I’m fully aware this is all in very bad taste. You're not telling me anything I don't already know. And yet, I can’t be stopped.


OK. Maybe I’m kind of a bit of a conspiracy theorist. Maybe I smoked too much pot in my youth. Perhaps smoking a lot of pot in your youth makes you prone to conspiracy theories. Or Vice Versa.

Yesterday, Benazir Bhutto was assassinated in Rawalpindi, Pakistan. The world is mourning this charismatic leader. When pretty people die the world tends to mourn long and hard.

She had an awful lot of other qualities, too, but one wonders if any of these qualities would have come to light if she hadn’t been so much of a babe as well. Perhaps we will never know. She seemed to have had a good head on her shoulders and her heart in the right place, and as history teaches us, those qualities in a leader are like begging for a bullet.

Anyway – here’s why the whole thing’s got me scared: This might spark a lot of other incidents that could lead to an even bigger conflict. I mean, I think that we can all agree that the area is, to put it politely, unstable, N’est pas? And you’ve already got shit happening in Iraq and Afghanistan and if something kicks off now in Pakistan it’s like all these hotspots geographically surrounding Iran and the pressure could – I don’t know – be like popping an enormous pimple and suddenly we’ve got WWIII.

Because it wasn’t that long ago that WWI, ”The Great War” got started off in a very similar fashion. Franz Ferdinand was minding his own business, doing whatever it is that the Archduke of Austria and Prince Imperial of Austria, Prince Royal of Hungary and Bohemia does; you know, going on photo ops, appearing at public functions, that sort of thing, when he was assassinated. Then everyone declared war on each other then millions of people from lots of different countries spent the next 4 years sitting in mud pits lopping bombs at each other.

OK. So here’s where it gets weird:

Franz Ferdinand was shot in the neck.
Benazir Bhutto was shot in the neck

There was another attempt on Franz Ferdinand’s life a few months earlier.
There was another attempt on Benazir Bhutto’s life a few months earlier.

Benazir Bhutto was pretty and wore makeup.
Franz Ferdinand had himself sewn into his outfit so he would appear slimmer (True!)

Franz Ferdinand is an alliteration.
Benazir Bhutto is also an alliteration.

OK. That’s all I’ve got. And, you know, I hope I’m wrong because I have absolutely nothing to wear that’s appropriate for a Global Conflict.

Also I can’t help but think how tragic it will be if 100 years from now some hapless teenager is at a Benazir Bhütto concert and someone turns to him and says, ”Dude, did you know that Benazir Bhutto was an actual person and that’s where they got their name? I think it was some guy who started the first Nuclear Holocaust or something.”


“Wow. I just thought it was some cool band name.”

27 December 2007

My New Years' Resolutions

Usually I can't stand any of these conventions that society tells you that you must do like being nice to people at Christmas or having a romantic dinner on Valentines day. Sometimes I even wear white after Labour Day. I'm that crazy. But for some reason, the New Years Resolution thing I like. Even though this isn't the real New Year; which should be 21st March (my birthday) according to the old Pagan way of doing things and people in Iran (apparently). But for shits and grins, I'll go ahead and call January 1st the beginning of the New Year. It's the first day after the whole Christmas Season which tends to clog everything and grind life to a halt, and that I can respect. So anyway, just to make things official, I am proclaiming my Resolutions to The World...Or at least those members of The World who actually read my blog (Hello to both of you).


My New Years' Resolutions

1. I am going to get off my ass and do my writing in my favorite bar every day. I know this might sound like a strange thing to have to commit oneself to, but this particular bar is in a 700-year-old building and in view of a gothic castle and it inspires the hell out of me. The "getting off my ass" part involves walking to the bar which is about 30 minutes away. Once there I admit I will be back on my ass. And just because I'm sitting in a bar doesn't mean I have to drink alcohol, you know. They have coffee, too. (Or so I'm told).

2. I am going to stop letting the cats run our lives. We can go away for the weekend and leave a whole bunch of food and water out for them. They won't die as they would have us believe. We need to have the strength to enjoy being in a hotel room somewhere without lying there wondering what the cats are doing.

3. Glamour is back. I have let my hair be its' natural dishwater-blonde color for long enough. I'm going platinum again. I don't care what anyone thinks. I can still be a freaky hippy with fabulous hair. Also I will attempt to wear high heels more often. Doc Martens should only be worn on country hikes when one is my age.

4. I will run my first marathon by May. Or November. One of those. I haven't decided yet.

5. I am going to talk to that strange old woman who feeds the ducks down on the canal. I have a feeling she might be me in the future.

6. I will no longer even entertain online discussions with Americans who think Global Warming is a "hoax". It just enrages me and takes up precious time I could be spending on lots of other things. When they say these things, I shall just type "LOL" and walk away (figuratively).

7. I will conquer my fear of riding my bicycle on city streets.

8. I will stop talking really fast in exasperated English when I am frustrated speaking Dutch. I'm in danger of turning into Ricky Ricardo.

9. I will have my book finished by August. Honest.

10. I am going to throw more dinner parties so I can convert more people to vegetarianism. Also they usually bring more bottles of wine than we need which is good for later.