09 December 2008
Fun for Insomniacs
I've had a bout of insomnia recently. This time it's because I spent a rather exhausting day running up and down hills with chickens and goats and hay and apparently a lot of dust and then the whole allergy thing went nuts. I'm OK now (thank you for asking) because I went to the doctor and he gave me all sorts of pills and inhalers and a mini-lecture about not taking that silly over-the-counter American stuff that Belgians haven't used since the 1950s. But during the whole process I spent a few sleepless nights sneezing and coughing and sputtering for air and consequently not sleeping. Here is what I have learned about insomnia: Don't fight it. You'll only end up miserable. Instead, just accept that you're awake and do something fun. The internet is a good place to start. Usually I spend hours googling odd combinations of things and seeing what I can find. This can be a very frightening experience when you see how many hits you get for things like "dinosaur+sighting"; "tattoo+face" or "midget+porn". But last night I found something even more fun: A Russian News Site!!!
I spent the better part of the Wee Hours "surfing" http://english.pravda.ru/ the English language version of Pravda online. What absolute gold! All these pictures pop up with titles for articles for you to read. Here were some of my favorites:
This one I could relate to, of course. I thought I had been through something when I once "lacked sleep" for 8 days and hallucinated a Yellow Cab driving into my hotel room (long story), but apparently some guy in Ukraine has got that well beat. I can't even begin to imagine how much internet surfing he must do. Surely he'll even read this at some point. Hello Vladimir!
What was intriguing about this "article" is that they pull you in with the headline then they never tell you what the message was. Hey, I'm not saying I don't believe them, I just don't like being left out of the loop...
These girls apparently latched onto a Dyslexic Sugardaddy.
My question is: Why do Russian bus drivers carry so much cash? Surely that's like begging some baby to come along and steal it!
And apparently didn't do nearly as well as the baby.
We know this because her next door neighbor was up all night and heard her screams.
Which is why we keep ours in cages.
"But wait! I was just riding it! D'oh! That doesn't sound right either!!!"
Especially when they're being exposed like this in public.
And bears too, apparently.
These road signs have been very effective at getting people to comply with reduced speed zones.
Also known as the Ukranian Black Male Ice Fishing Olympics.
I'll bet he's wishing Turkmenistan hadn't invested so much in DNA testing!
And you thought it was just an Urban Myth!
How is it even possible that they could become more popular???
Wait a minute! I think I dated that guy once!!
Because apparently the whole "vow of chastity" thing never said anything about ostriches.
Think about that the next time you yell at someone in traffic!!
When will the drivers learn not to leave those wagons unattended??
Why are Mexicans always interfering with the Space Program?
And then acts all coy about it later.......