01 July 2007

There Are No Fucking Postcards

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The text reads:

LONDON (AFP) British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinging by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named village. While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.

Only one kind of criminal ever stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humour and a screwdriver.

But the local authorities are hitting back and with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schindtberger is on the lookout.

"We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed" the officer said.

"It may be very amusing to you British, but Fucking is just Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is just peurile."

Local tourist guide Andreas Rehmueller said it was only the British who had a fixation with Fucking.

"The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzberg" he explained.

"Every American seems only to care about The Sound of Music (the 1965 film shot around Salzerg)

The occasional Japanese wants to see Hitler's birthplace in Braunau.

"But for the British, it's all about Fucking."

Guesthouse manager Augustina Lindbauer described the village's breathtaking lakes, forests and vistas.

"Yet still there is this obsession with Fucking" she said.

"Just this morning I had to tell an English lady who stopped by that there were no Fucking postcards"

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Should we be more disturbed by all the English stealing the "Fucking" signs, or all the Japanese who can't wait to visit Hitler's birthplace?