More Inventions

In these troubling times as we head into what some economists are predicting will be a catastrophic worldwide collapse, you've got to keep your chin up. Things are going to be bad for a while and until WWIII comes along to lift us out of this mess we're going to have to fend for ourselves. We need to find innovative ways to make money. We need to be entrepreneurs. If capitalism has taught us anything it's that whoever makes the most money wins, no matter what they have to do to achieve it. With that in mind I've sought holes in the market and come up with some inventions that are sure to keep my family in designer clothes and blood diamonds for the remainder of this crisis.

BTW I am referring to this as "More Inventions" because I long ago posted another list of inventions on my blog. These things are automatically patented just by me publishing them on my blog, so don't try stealing anything! Especially the butt whistle! (I'll know!)

So here are my new inventions:



Vegan Clown Shoes

I was searching for clown shoes online the other day (don't ask) and while I noticed that happily there is a large selection of clown shoes available for purchase and delivery via the internet, they are sadly all made of leather. What are vegan clowns supposed to do? Now if you've kept up with my blog you'll know that I hate clowns. Yes I am "clownist" and proud of that fact. I would gladly have all clowns rounded up into camps and I don't care what that sounds like. But I happen to love their shoes. It is my personal feeling that clown shoes are fabulous and are simply wasted on clowns. If I could find decent vegan clown shoes I would wear them constantly because I would work the irony and do them justice. And that is why I'm inventing them. By the way it doesn't surprise me at all that there are no vegan clowns. Clowns are heartless bastards.
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A Home Exorcism Kit

These could be sold at roadside kiosks near housing developments that have been built on Indian burial grounds and such. The kit would contain rosary beads, holy water, ear-plugs and a list of Hollywood production companies to contact with the story later.

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Cool Myspace Generators

A guide to how to do the greeting kiss thing in Belgium.

I will publish this in a pocket size so it can be whipped out at the appropriate moment. Sure it will add even more awkwardness as the reader flips through the pages while leaning over a table to kiss 18 people at a party, but I feel that in itself will be making an important statement.
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Grigori Rasputin Bed-in For Peace Bed Sheets

Grab Yoko Ono and a couple of Romanovs, wall yourself up in the Pokrovskoye Hilton, and have yourself a party!


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